Stepping Into The Unknown

7/1/2022

My biggest example of this anxiety is the moment before approaching a girl, or public speaking. Possibly silly things to want to be good at in our current world, but alas they are two areas I’ve never had success in. The situation for your moment might be different.

The strange thing about anxiety is when you’re alone and safe, anything is possible.

“It’s gonna be eaaaaasy.”

“I’m gonna do this.”

“I got this!”

You can perfectly imagine your success. You’re amazing in your imagination! You can lie to yourself. You can convince yourself that you’ve got this, when years of failure has shown differently. (10 years in my case) Even after 10 years it STILL always feels possible because I’m not in the moment. It’s a lie I’ve been choosing to believe for a decade.

When you’re ACTUALLY in the moment, that’s when the years of avoidance rears it’s ugly head. And your neural pathways are so deeply set in their ways from you never venturing out of your comfort zone, that reality is an extremely different experience.

What I’m trying to do is I’m trying to figure out how to break through the wall. There’s a barrier you have to step through to get to the other side of this unknown. It could be called a leap of faith. I’ve never been able to do it willingly. It feels impossible.

Life experience hasn’t helped

Even though I know how to speak to people, I’ve worked years of customer service, one job had 20 thousand different new people come through a day. I know how to speak to people. I’ve had long term relationships, I have friends, I play sports. But for some reason without using a drug or alcohol, doing this “step” seems like an impossible barrier in the moment.

Even knowing everything I know. I’ve read every fucking book on this subject. I’ve been around the world. You can’t fathom how many people are alive out there. There are so many I still can’t fully comprehend it. Even knowing all this, knowing I’ll never see these people again, conquering that moment feels impossible. They’re nothing. A spec of dust, a phantom, a simulation. Whatever you want to call them. These strangers flow through your life nameless and faceless. They’re here and then they’re gone.

Even deeply knowing all that, there’s still this weird void that you hit when you’re in that moment, and my goal is to figure out how to beat and break through that moment.

Click here for Experiment Number 1.

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